Monday was a huge day for us. My husband John had major interviews on his journey toward ordination. We had thought, studied, written, prayed and prepared for months leading up to this day. He had put his heart, soul, sweat and tears on the line... and I could tell he was nervous about what would transpire in the future hours. On my way out the door I said, "You'll be great. Try not to worry. I know it's impossible, but try." The words rang hollow and my heart sank with them them. On the heals of my empty words I heard the whisper of the Word of life.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)I looked. No "it's impossible, but" phrases are included before the the "do not". Truthfully, scripture is rich with reference to worry's place, or lack of place, in the life of a disciple. We are to trust that The God who created us, and began a good work within is will remain faithful and care for or needs. Right, and I do. But those nagging thoughts still creep in. Trying to ignore them is like trying not to think of a pink elephant when you read the words pink elephant. (Was yours pastel or fuchsia? )
So what are we to do? In his letter to the Philippians Paul tells us the antidote for my poison of worry is prayer. But I do that. Words cannot express how much I have seen in answer to those intimate moments. My family is praying. The church is praying. For years, prayers have gone up about this day. Still the worry consumes. Am I not doing it right? I had thankfully, fervently, repeatedly, honestly opened my heart on the matter. We all had. And still we are very anxious.
I craved that "peace" that Paul spoke of so long ago. I desired it deeply for myself. I hungered for it on John's behalf. I wanted transcendent peace., not the kind that would have to ignore, or make its way around a parade of pink pachyderms. On this issue, as on so many before, my antidote seemed only partially effective against the anxieties we felt. But that sweet Whisper had more to say:
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Phil.4:8)I was thinking about elephant-sized concerns rather that an infinite-sized God. My worries were not "excellent" or "praise-worthy". Was there anything admirable about those thoughts worth holding on to? Conversely, what could be more lovely than the One with whom I had an audience? What could be more true than Truth incarnate? I made a conscious effort to alter the direction of my pondering for the morning.
This decision occurred right before I was to begin teaching reading to my class Monday morning. As we began to go through the alphabet routine we have established.... A---alligator, B---ball,C---computer, D---doll. I did my own elementary intervention. E---everlasting. F---freedom G---Grace H---holy. Every time, I started to feel those anxieties. I went back to my ABC's and the attributes of God. Those elephants of anxiety shrank under the enormity of God. As my mental picture of Him sharpened, it left little room for much else.
A wise friend once told me, if you can worry. You can meditate. This ancient practice uses the same mental muscles that I strengthened so well in my practice of worry. Meditation only focuses that strength in another more productive direction. You are still dwelling and thinking repetitively. Worry looks inward. Meditation looks toward God and sets the posture for worship. Transcendent peace can only happen when we make room in our hearts and minds for the transcendent God. In the light of that God, our pink elephants of worry must fade away.
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