Finding Your Voice

A few days ago, my eight year-old son  wrote this award winning piece in school.

The Life of an Eraser

by: Ben

Everyday I am rubbed against paper and pencil markings.

Why don't you just get another cockadoody paper?!

NO! Please don't use me now! I am too busy complaining to consumers!

OW! OW! OW! OW! OK, OK!, But make it quick! It still hurts when you use me.

OW! OW! OW! OW! Ok! You're done! Good-bye! I am going to "Pencilvania" 

where pencils are popular not me!

I asked him if I could share it here, and he gave a resounding YES. 

 I love it because it made me laugh, and appreciate his quirky sense of humor.  I love it because he busted his behind and worked so hard on it. I love it because it seems to have awakened in him, a love of writing, similar to ,my own.  But most of all, I love it because of it's perspective.  Ben put himself in a place I would have never thought to go, and stayed there long enough to give a voice to a silent tool, that would otherwise have none at all.   I love the idea of giving voice to the silent.  

I've been reading quite a bit of writing about writing lately, and much of it centers on this idea of finding "a voice" to write in, or with, or though... (pick a preposition).  In that "voice",  words, (and writers) connect with readers in a way way that reflects reality, and encourages more reading.  Much thought consternation and time is spent searching for ans honing in on this "voice". Some even treat it as if it as a mystical quest, somewhat like the holy grail of writing....I was off, finding my writer's voice...  


At least, for me, this quest for voice lands me right where it landed my second grader, outside  my normal perspective.  From someone else's spot, I may be able to see details, speak words, or hear melody otherwise drowned out.  In a position of empathy, I can see past my tiny little world to shed light on something worth seeing.  When I am obsessed with finding the right words, or the right image or the right anything to get my point across it is a slow and losing battle.  When I can let go of that fight. and get beyond myself, to a new perspective only then can I find a voice to speak the truth in love.  


Until I read these words from Ben.  I had never considered the theoretical thoughts of my trusty pink eraser.  I had never felt the need.  But in the last few days, as  Ben considered the pain of the pink pearl, I witnessed nasty,hasty fights and rhetorical bullying offered in the guise of furthering the Church.  This makes me sad.  It also makes me wonder what other perspectives we are failing to see.  


(Warning raw ranting ahead.  Still processing thoughts here.)


I have given up any hope of a pie-in-the-sky, easy solution to the divisiveness and fighting that plagues the church I love so dearly.  Even if we could hold hands and sing Kum-Ba-Ya, that alone would not heal the hearts and minds so wounded on either side.  Could not hurt...But will not heal the deep wounds and (dare I say it) the beginnings of a schism already happening.  Truth is, right and wrong, theology and ideals, and real people with real hearts exist on both sides.  Words I read in the past weeks have made we wonder if we are so caught up in shouting for truth; we forget  listen to and give voice to the real Truth.  Capital T.  Whose Truthfulness and Healing does not depend on how we feel in the moment.  Those of you  who allowed your tweets and facebook, statuses and words to be bathed in grace and mercy were often out shouted by those who wielded their words like whips and swords.  And yes, the Word of God is sharper than any sword...but some have put that particular weapon down in favor of one more easily known and more easily twisted to fit the desires of our twisted hearts.


I am sad.  Because I feel that the church is losing it's voice.  We cannot speak to the coming generation when we are too busy shouting over what we want, and who is right.  How can they believe we offer healing and grace when we spout bitterness in public forums?   


The best, and worst, thing about the Church is the people.  And for better, or worse, we are living this thing out together as the bride of Christ.  We are all broken; we are all healing.  We are all needy; we are all needed.  We all have to move beyond our own voices to hear the voice of the One who was, and is, and is to come.  His voice is the one who will reach the coming generations... It's the voice of the Scriptures.  The voice of the One who prayed for us so very long ago.  Still calling us to follow; Still shocking us with the relevance of his peculiarity.  Still offering grace that heals to holiness.  That is the Voice.  That is the perspective of the Church.


May we cling to it; tune our ears to it; and never let it be silenced.   

What is in the Center?

She picks a big book off the table. Ever so carefully, she opens it to the center. “So, Mom, did I find Psalms, or Proverbs?” It's a common question in our house these days, and one that I enjoy hearing more than I can find the words for at this moment. My almost-5- year-old princess is becoming quite fascinated with the Word. She memorizes like a sponge and takes in the stories like living water. I praise God for these answered prayers. She has also learned, that if you take your Bible and very carefully open it to the middle, you will more than likely find Psalms or Proverbs. Like a Bible scholar in training, she practices several times a day. I LOVE this pastime. I relish it. I encourage it. I pray that it expands and grows.

But I confess, sometimes I giggle. Sometimes I bite my lip to stifle the laughter that wants to escape. Because, no matter how carefully you open those pages, it is very hard to find Psalms or Proverbs in your brother's World Record Book, in the Jumbo Star Wars coloring book, or in the Anthology of Whole Grain Baking.

She gets seriously bummed and even angry when you try to explain she did not actually find the wisdom she seeking. Because, she was looking, and, by her estimation, following the way that she was taught. But she has forgotten one detail. It matters WHICH book you use.

In the beginning of this Lenten season, I wonder how often we see ourselves mirrored in my daughter's search for Psalms and Proverbs. During this preparation time, we try and make more room in our lives to search for Truth, and Wisdom. We give up little indulgences or maybe we take on disciplines in hopes of seeing, and becoming a little more like Jesus. We follow the rules and examples hoping if we do everything right we will land where we intended.

But sometimes, I wonder, if in out quest to do Lent right, we are still somehow looking in the wrong place. We have made it about the challenge of lent. We have made it about working on ourselves and exploring what we can accomplish. (Instead we should work for Kingdom purposes while He molds and shapes us.) Maybe I spend too much time in the playroom, but it seems to me that leaving Christ out of the journey of Lent is akin to attempting to find Psalms in the Guinness Book of World Records. We have part of the picture engrained but we are still looking in the wrong place. And we may end up, bummed, or annoyed or angry when we realize that introspection and self-denial in and of themselves are only a form of selfishness masquerading in robes of false piety. They cannot and will not lift up the Christ we wish to see.

I am not saying we should abandon Lenten disciplines. I am saying we should look at the direction they point our hearts. Jesus echoes the words of the Prophet Hosea as he talks, saying, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” (Hosea 6:6, Matthew 9:12). Pious discipline for pious discipline's sake (or for the sake of the challenge) will not point us toward redemption. Disciplines that place us in a better position to spread the mercy of the Kingdom here and now will allow us to be Easter people and reflect His light.



What discipline, or what fast have you taken on in this season?

How will you actively serve the Kingdom of God in this time?

Where do you go for wisdom and strength when the Lenten season proves difficult?

Truth and Winking Frogs

She came bounding into the playroom, then stood to study Ben's handiwork for a while.  "Ben, can I play with your Winking Frogs too?"

He stared at her for a moment, trying to muster the patience of a wise older brother.  "No, Abigail.  It's not Winking Frogs.  It's Link and Wogs...But yes, you can play with those over there."

(Sadly, Lincoln Log City was unable to recover from massive a natural disaster that occurred yesterday afternoon.  Reconstruction efforts will commence shortly.)

Maybe my world is small.  Maybe my thinking skews a bit odd.  But, sometimes the playroom becomes a microcosm of events that reflect on a larger scale.  Both of my children believe they are completely right and justified in the way they named said Lincoln Logs.  Both of them got their point across to the other, in a way. (They shared enough common ground to realize they both wanted the same thing.)  But both of them still think the other is completely wrong.  Yet, the true name for the Lincoln Logs has been lost to both of them. Truth lies sandwiched in between two sides of the argument.

American Christianity is fractured by the liberals and the conservatives.  American politics is divided amongst republicans and democrats.  Our playroom is bigger and the stakes are much higher.  But we are pulled  between two poles, convinced there must be a monopoly on who is right and who is wrong.  The more I walk in the Way the more I can see a radical (and at times uncomfortable) reality.  Truth lies sandwiched in between two sides of the argument.   

A third path exists.  Political leaders with shady personal lives still manage to lead, and to worship.   Look at King David.   Religious change agents who break established norms still do so for God's kingdom.  Look at Jesus.  We may be comfortable in our thinking.  We may even be convinced that we are in the right.  But when we look again, Truth lies sandwiched between two sides of the argument.